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The Use and Misuse of a Competing Style in Conflict Management The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument, available from Consulting Psychologist Press (http://www.cpp.com/products/tki/index.asp), identifies five conflict styles - competing, compromising, collaborating, avoiding, and accommodating - and provides guidelines regarding when each is appropriate in conflict situations. The conflict style profiles developed by Kenneth W. Thomas and Ralph H. Kilmann portray competing as a power driven mode being high in assertiveness and low in cooperativeness. It puts parties in a win/lose relationship where one attempts to achieve his/her goals at the expense of another. It may involve “hard bargaining” or the use of a person’s authority, position, wealth, or other forms of influence. There is not much consideration for the feelings, views or goals of the other party nor is there interest in collaboration or compromise. The goal is to win or succeed in achieving one’s desired outcome when pitted against that of another who desires something different. The Developmental Aspects of Competing The strategy of “competing” as a means of gaining power and control stems from early childhood and is reinforced throughout our years in school and college. Many children learn that they can obtain material objects as well as social control over people by using assertive, demanding or aggressive behavior. As they mature they use their talent to compete to “be the best” student, athlete, musician, etc. or to socially compete to be popular and have status among peers. Some youth learn to deal with disagreements by persuading others to accept their position. Others use power negatively in the form of arguments, threats, intimidation, or physical fighting. Youth who are effective at competing are deemed to be successful. Children and youth who do not stand up for themselves in conflicts may be seen as weak. Many video games and other media directed at youth promote the thrill of engaging in conflict with the goal of defeating the “enemy”, often using any means possible. All of these dynamics promote the use of competitiveness. While parents and teachers also instruct children to be kind, considerate, and cooperative there remains a strong inclination toward using competitiveness as a means of solving problems and achieving success. The value of competing to resolve differences and achieve goals continues into adulthood and employment. Individuals compete for status and position within organizations, sometimes being rewarded for their ability to achieve business goals by being better than their internal colleagues or external business competitors. Successful leaders demonstrate an ability to strategically use their competitive energy and skills for personal and professional benefit. While competing can be productive it can also cause problems when used excessively or inappropriately. It can lead to misuse of power, fraudulent acts, and unethical or illegal activity as we have seen in the situation at Enron and in other business and political events in the news. Truly successful people develop the judgment and skills to use competitiveness effectively and appropriately. When is Competing Appropriate? Competing is an appropriate form of dealing with conflict when used in the following situations:
When is Competing Inappropriate? When used inappropriately competing in conflict situations can lead to negative consequences such as:
Competing Style and Myers-Briggs Type Research using the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator® (http://www.cpp.com/products/mbti/index.asp) shows that individuals with consistently competitive personality styles tend to be males who are extroverted-sensing-thinking-judging (ESTJ) or extroverted-intuitive-thinking-judging (ENTJ). Females are less likely than males to have a predominantly competitive personality style. Compared to males, similar type ESTJ and ENTJ females are more likely to have a preference for a compromising approach to conflict. This is probably due to the socialization and traditional roles of females in our society. Competitive males are often characterized in positive terms such as "persuasive" or "powerful" while equally competitive females may be viewed negatively as "demanding" or "aggressive". Individuals whose dominant conflict style is competing tend to see differences among people in dichotomies - skilled/unskilled, right/wrong, winner/loser, competent/incompetent, etc. They usually believe that they are justified in their position and support those who agree with them while opposing those who disagree. Myers-Briggs research suggests that people who like to be competitive in addressing differences approach problems objectively, using facts and data, and are not inclined to be very concerned about the subjective impact of the outcome on the party who loses. They tend to place high importance on achieving their goals even if it has a negative effect on their relationships. They also like to be decisive and do not want to waste time in considering alternatives. Strategies for Dealing with Competing Styles of Conflict Management If you find that you, personally, typically become competitive when facing a disagreement or conflict you may want to:
In attempting to address a conflict with another person who differs with you and takes a competitive position it may be helpful to do the following:
When working with individuals or groups as a neutral third party or mediator it is helpful to get the parties to consider the points made above. It is possible that one party will be in a relative power position over another, such as a boss vs. employee or a provider vs. consumer. In these situations the mediator must work to be neutral yet balance the power relationship so that each side effectively presents their case and hears that of the other. Helping the parties in conflict to understand the facts as well as the impact of the disagreement may also move them toward conciliation. After listening to each other competing may still be the conflict mode of choice for one or both parties, or they may elect to take another approach if they determine that it will be more productive. It is clear that the use of competing to manage conflicts and differences can have both positive and negative implications. It is a powerful and effective approach which can be very successful. However it is important to know when and how to use competing as a conflict management style. Proper use of competing may produce constructive outcomes while misuse of competing can lead to new problems. Being mindful of this can help us to be more productive personally and professionally. __________________________________________________________ Guest Articles - April, 2006 Guest articles are printed with the permission of the author or source.
Conflict and Power: Bosses, Peers and Direct Reports Abstract: Groupthink, where bad decision making behind closed doors by ‘the few’ adversely affects the many, is a scary part of group behavior. Why? Because the symptoms of it are a part of everyday organizational behavior. http://mediate.com/articles/helmsw1.cfm size 11,052 bytes - 3/30/2006 7:06:32 AM GMT Court-Referred Mediation: Whose Game Is It? Abstract: The paradigms in conflict appear to be the legalists’ view on the one hand, and the mediationists’ view on the other. The legalists’ view focuses on an adversarial or substantive approach to dispute resolution while the mediationists’ view focuses on a collaborative or facilitative approach. http://mediate.com/articles/game.cfm size 11,106 bytes - 11/19/2004 6:05:59 PM GMT |
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